Whisper of Hope
by dobrevsdream
Summary: (Post 3x09) Oliver returns to Starling City a year later with a secret that will turn Felicity's world upside down. When a new villain takes over the city, he learns that keeping someone in the dark does not mean keeping them safe. Will Felicity be able to forgive this betrayal and who is the man tearing the city apart searching for her? A story about love, secrets and sacrifice.
1. Prologue: Flowers for a Ghost

**Author's Note:** Hey all! I'm back with another full story instead of one shots.

I had the idea of 'What if Oliver was gone for a really long time, and when he came back things weren't as he'd left. His entire life as he'd known was different, Starling City was different, his friends were different but most of all Felicity Smoak, the woman he'd grown to know and love was different. The story would consist of some flashbacks over the year whilst Oliver was gone as well as present stuff.

Multi-character with different dynamics but predominantly olicity! Anyhow, this is just an idea that was nagging me to write down so do let me know what you think. This is a short snippet/taster/test.

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><p><strong><span>PRESENT DAY<span>**

"C'mon, I can do this," Felicity Smoak reminded herself out loud as she stared at the door leading to the foundry. When she reached out to press the code, her fingers trembled with uncertainty causing her to release a small shallow breath.

After a year of feeling crippled and worn down by grief and pain, here she was – standing with a mere door between them. Nausea washed over her at the thought, her heart beginning to beat frantically in her chest. Placing a hand against her mediastinum she willed for her heart rate to slow down the way she had been trained to do. Oliver Queen was back in Starling City after wrongly being presumed dead for the second time in his life, and instead of feeling overjoyed she couldn't help the apprehensive feeling that was swelling inside of her.

It had taken her a great deal of effort to summon up the nerve to walk into Verdant and now all that was left was for her to key in the 4-digit code and descend down the stairs, but she was frozen on the spot unable to move her limbs. A thousand questions evaded her mind, a mixture of emotions overwhelming her. Felicity had grieved him! It had taken her months to feel like she was in control of her life again and his return blew everything she thought she knew out of the water. This past year had changed everything, she no longer felt like the woman he once knew – training had made her not only physically stronger but also emotionally.

Releasing the breath she hadn't realized she was holding, she shook her quivering hand and unlocked the door before hesitantly beginning to walk down the stairs with her heart in her throat.

It was now or never.

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><p><span><strong>48 HOURS BEFORE<strong>

Felicity Smoak woke in the middle of the night in a pool of her own sweat, her heart hammering frantically against her chest. The nightmares had returned; she hadn't had one of these for a very long time. After the news of Oliver's demise had reached them, she had begun having nightmares every night for months. In those dreams, he died in a different brutal manner that left her just as breathless as the night before. For the past five months, things had begun getting better and she was finally managing to move on from the horror she had gone through, yet here she was, feeling as if she was being propelled right back to the start. She had successfully managed to avoid allowing even the mere thought of him into her mind and all it had taken was for Thea to mention him the night prior for him to take presence in her dreams again. She kicked the duvet that covered her body feeling overly heated and frustrated with herself. She thought she was stronger than this.

"_And the second thing?" she had asked him completely oblivious to what his answer would be. She remembered the way her heart still raced from the kiss he'd placed onto her forehead. _

"_I love you," he'd told her simply with only certainty behind his words. It was the three little words that had knocked the wind out of her leaving her watching after him with her hands trembling. _

As the memory unearthed in her mind, she found herself struggling to breathe again. A whole entire year since he had walked out of their lives never to return again, yet every memory that resurfaced ripped the band aid that had begun healing her wounds. Clutching her chest, she jumped out of her bed and stalked over to her kitchen where she grabbed a glass of water. Perching herself on the pink stool and setting the glass onto the breakfast bar, she considered phoning Diggle knowing she'd be unable to fall asleep for a long while but decided against it. He'd be asleep by now and she didn't want to burden him any further; this past year had been as tough on him as it had been for her yet he'd been her rock throughout the entire ordeal, propping her up whenever she felt she would lose it. He had also surprisingly been one hundred percent behind her when she'd told him she wanted to get martial arts training – she hadn't had any inclination to put herself out in the field any more than usual but she loved feeling empowered and had needed something to distract her from her grief.

The funeral had been the breaking point; it was when she'd had the first thought about obtaining some form of training. It was by far the worst experience she'd gone through and she remembered the day like it was yesterday. Surprisingly to her and those closest to her, she hadn't been able to shed a single tear; she had merely stood there, numb, holding a sobbing Thea in her arms. That's what grief had done to her – it had crippled her. Crying hadn't seemed appropriate because deep down at the time, a part of her had refused to believe him to be dead. They had never seen the body therefore how could she believe that he was truly gone? However as the weeks turned into a months; the little hope which had remained had begun to seep out of her. Sighing she dismissed the memories not wanting to succumb to the darkness which threatened to overcome her every time she allowed herself to remember him. Tilting her head back, she finished her glass of water and padded back into her room – she needed sleep if she was to get to work tomorrow.

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong> I know this first chapter is fairly short but I just wanted to establish the tone and set the scene before I dig deeper into it. Please leave me your reviews letting me know your thoughts are as it gives me an indication of whether or not you want to read further. I hope you stick with this story but I must warn you, there will be a lot of angst and slow-burn so don't expect a race (especially when it comes to olicity). It'll be more of a marathon. Thank you for reading guys!


	2. Half of My Heart

**Author's Note: **This story will be told in a series of flashbacks and present day chapters so see the story fold out!

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><p><strong>12 MONTHS AGO<strong>

"Felicity quit pacing, you're making me nervous," Roy complained blowing out a long exasperated breath.

She took her seat again, knitting her fingers to prevent her from fiddling. It had been two days since Oliver had left and the feeling of dread had begun seeping into her veins. He was fine, she had to believe that in order to stay sane. There was nothing she could do from where she was – she just had to keep her faith in him and his survival.

"Roy, let's head out and patrol the city," Diggle instructed gruffly. The fact that Diggle had avoided making any assumptions about the whereabouts of Oliver only served to make her more anxious, she was hyper aware that he was as worried as they were and that was never a good sign.

When the security alarm of Verdant sounded, she jumped forwards her heart racing and began pulling the cameras up. _Why would Oliver break into his own club? _The nagging voice asked from the back of her mind but right now, it was hope and she needed anything she could get. Diggle and Roy crowded around her in apprehension, the tension in the room palpable.

"What is he doing here?" Diggle demanded grabbing a gun and flicking the safety off as Malcom Merlyn appeared on their screens carrying what appeared to be a long strip of metal.

Felicity stood upright whilst Diggle and Roy placed themselves in front of her protectively, crowding her vision. What she felt towards Malcom in that moment was hatred, she never thought she'd be capable of such emotion yet here she was wishing all kinds of awful things on this man. Did that make her a terrible person she wondered? She couldn't help herself, he was the reason for everything that had ever gone wrong. He was the reason thousands of people died, he had essentially killed Sara using Thea who would break if she found out and then had sent Oliver on a death mission!

"Quite the reception!" Malcom's arrogant voice laced with humour called out as he skipped down the stairs of the lair confidently.

She had never met the man personally before but could instantly feel his power suck the energy out of the room.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put a bullet through your head right now," Diggle snarled aiming the barrel of the gun at Merlyn.

"You won't kill me," he said without as much as a flinch. He pulled a sword from behind him causing Roy and Diggle to take their stance ready to fight if it came to it. Surprising them all, he dumped what turned out to be a sword on the table.

"Is that blood?" she asked feeling a wave of nausea draining over her as her eyes fell on the sword. She stepped forwards ignoring Diggle's attempt to keep her behind him. A brief sense of pride shot through her as she noticed how bold and confident she sounded, however when she looked into his eyes, she felt that confidence waver. Everything about him terrified her and she prayed that the fear she felt was not detectable.

"Oliver Queen is dead," he informed them his voice clear.

Felicity staggered back as if she had been stabbed in the chest all the air rushing out of the room. Everything after that moment was a haze and she felt as if she was stuck in a nightmare. Of course Oliver wasn't dead, how absurd! If he was dead, she would have known, surely she would have felt something. How could it be that he was gone and she didn't feel any different? She realised how irrational that thought was as quickly as it came yet she refused to accept death to be a plausible explanation as to why he hadn't come back.

"Where's the body?" she heard Roy demand and felt a sense of relief. Yes, of course. There was no body which further questioned the validity of Malcom's words not to mention the fact that he was hardly a reliable source. Although saying that, she remembered how Oliver had told them that Malcom was many things but not a liar. _Shut up _she screamed at the incessant voice in her head feeling like she would pass out.

"He died fighting Ra's al Ghul therefore his body is theirs to discard of. I heard he fought well, and for that, our city is safe."

She swallowed the bile that had begun rising and turned to Malcom, her eyes flashing with fury.

"Get out! Get out or I swear to god I will shoot you myself!" she shouted praying that he wouldn't call her bluff. She didn't think she'd be capable of holding a gun, let alone firing it.

Thankfully, Malcom's eyes which were full of surprise rested her for half a beat before he turned and left the foundry.

"He's not dead," she told the others firmly pressing her lips together. Ignoring her racing heart and the overwhelming feeling of dread, she grabbed the sword gingerly and began the blood analysis.

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><p><strong>PRESENT DAY<strong>

Oliver winced from the pain that shot through his side as he released Diggle from their quick embrace, and smiled at his friend.

"Are you going to stare at me the whole evening?" he asked humorously taking in Diggle and Roy's dumbfounded expression.

"We thought you were dead man," Diggle murmured his eyes wide, the surprise and relief etched in his features.

"I know."

"I've gotta say, you don't look much better than death," Roy piped in.

Oliver chuckled ignoring the pain searing through his ribs. He was highly aware he looked like an absolute state with bruises and cuts covering his face and when he'd first seen Thea, she'd been shocked to her core and demanded he tell her what had happened to him. Despite everything, he couldn't see her as anything other than his innocent little sister who he would always protect no matter what. After he'd managed to stop her from crying, he promised to return after seeking out his friends. The second place he'd gone was Felicity's home which had been deserted, therefore he had assumed her to be at the foundry.

"That's good," Oliver smiled warmly. "Where's uh – Felicity?" he coughed out attempting to make the question appear casual, as if he hadn't noticed her absence like a gaping hole from the moment he walked in.

"She had a work commitment," Roy answered quickly, _too_ quickly. "I called her though, she should be here any minute now."

"Where have you been?" Diggle asked when a distracting sound came from behind.

"Speak of the devil," he heard Roy mutter as Oliver whirled around to catch Felicity descending the stairs of the foundry wearing a red dress which hugged her waist making her look even more incredible than he'd remembered.

Silence filled the room and he saw Roy and Diggle exchange worried glances confirming his instinct that something was a-miss. When her eyes fell on him, she stopped abruptly her hand flying out to clutch the railing which she used to balance herself as her chest heaved visibly. Noticing her distress, his expression softened but as he took a step towards her, she backed away hastily stopping him in his tracks.

"Felicity…" he said softly fighting everything inside of him which was screaming at him to dart forwards and snatch her into his arms. Her breath hitched at the sound of his voice, her eyes widening as if realising for the first time that he was truly there.

The difference in her was striking, her usually bring blue eyes had hardened over the year and there was a trace of dark circles under them causing his heart to clench – she looked stronger than he'd ever seen her before, but she also appeared visibly grief stricken. Oliver knew what grief looked like and Felicity had it written all over her and he hated himself for being the reason behind her change. She released the railing and hesitantly took the last step before stepping further into the foundry with her arms wrapped tightly around her.

"I can't believe it's really you," she said so quietly it was as if she was speaking to herself. He watched her assess him, her eyes widening as she took in the bruises. She lifted a hand to touch his face, but thinking better of it, dropped it back down to her side. "What happened to you?" she said asking the dreaded question he'd surprisingly and successfully managed to not answer until now.

Oliver caught in a catch twenty-two of not wanting to expose any of them to the truth but knowing that they deserved to know sighed heavily. After the island, he thought he finally wouldn't have to keep so many secrets from those he cared about yet here was again.

"Oliver?" she asked something akin to worry entering her voice as she approached him her eyes fixated on his.

"I lost the duel with Ra's al Ghul and he drove his sword through my chest but I survived," he explained avoiding her direct question.

"So where have you been?" Diggle interjected his brow furrowed with curiosity.

Oliver released a heavy breath and dragged a hand through his hair knowing an argument was about to break out.

"Oliver?" Diggle pressed more firmly this time. "All we know is that you left to fight Ra's al Ghul only to not return for a whole entire year so if you haven't been dead where have you been all this time? Feel free to fill in the blanks."

"Not right now," Oliver sighed his eyes seeking out Felicity who remained quiet.

"You mean not ever, don't you Oliver!"

"I was held as a prisoner but I got out! That's all you need to know!" he bellowed anger and frustration coursing through him. "I know it may not seem like it but you're better off not knowing," he added more quietly.

When silence filled the foundry he closed his eyes momentarily feeling the weight of the grief he'd put them through. Opening his eyes, he looked at Felicity whose face had drained of colour. She looked at him her eyes laced with disappointment and anger and in that moment, he would have told her just about anything she wanted to know to stop her feeling like this if he didn't think it would put her in jeopardy.

"I need air," she coughed turning and hurrying out of the foundry before he could protest.

Oliver watched her leave for the millionth time in his life feeling drained and conflicted. He had known that returning without the ability to provide them with answers would prove to be difficult, what he hadn't anticipated was the amount of pain he had put them through. Releasing a heavy, exasperated breath, he placed both of his hands onto the table leaning his entire weight onto it.

"You know Oliver, somebody once told me that secrets have weight. The more you keep, the harder it is to keep moving."

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><p>The moment the door snapped shut, Felicity collapsed against it her breath escaping in quick, short bursts her entire body trembling. Her mind reeled with endless variety of emotions ranging from anger to frustration. She knew Oliver inside and out, she knew how closed off he was about certain things in his life and she understood that. She could understand why he wouldn't want to relive some of the most awful moments in his life by talking about it but this? This she couldn't understand. After everything they'd been through they deserved a better explanation!<p>

Above everything, she was relieved. Oliver was truly alive. A year later and he could still make her heart race at the mere sight of him, a part of her resented him for that. Where on earth had he been this entire year? Her mind reeled with possibilities as she worked on collecting herself. It had been exactly five months since she'd last cried and she wouldn't allow herself to fall apart now. From the moment she'd seen him, everything had come rushing back and she'd been on the brink of collapsing into an emotional heap.

She was _stronger_ than that now.

Hearing the door handle rattle beneath her, she stood upright and quickly wiped her face of unshed tears. The motion had become a habit after privately crying for so long. Oliver stepped out with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets looking at her cautiously with remorse written across his features. His intoxicating scent which she had missed so much provoked her to retreat several feet away from him as she used every ounce of willpower not to surge into his arms.

"Are you okay?" he said softly. He watched her intently his eyes momentarily finding her lips sending a small involuntary shiver through her. The feeling felt foreign, she had become so numb she'd forgotten what it felt like to be around him. For the first time in a long time, she felt truly alive.

"I'm fine."

"You were never a good liar," he chuckled keeping her locked in his gaze.

"I'm don't know what you want me to say Oliver."

"Tell me what you're thinking," he retorted earnestly.

"I think that you're full of shit – pardon my language, well actually the phrase is pardon my French," she blurted out hearing herself beginning to babble again which to her surprise only served to earn her a wide smile from him. "You've kept things from us before. I mean we don't even know the half of what happened to you the five years you were gone but this is different. We thought – I thought you were _dead_ so excuse me if you don't get the reception you were looking for," she continued hating the way her voice began to break. Fighting back the hot tears, she swallowed hard and turned away from him praying he didn't see how close to the breaking point she was.

She had to leave Verdant, _now_.

"Felicity," he beaconed taking two long strides to catch up with her as she attempted to leave, closing the distance between them easily.

When he began pulling her against her chest her hand flew outwards to still him, her breath hitching as her heart began racing. She was _so_ close to breaking she knew the moment she hugged him, all the tears she hadn't cried for so long would spill over.

"Don't," she instructed her voice unyielding. She hated the way he looked at her his expression so soft he seemed vulnerable which was rare for Oliver. She hated that despite everything, she couldn't help but worry about what he was keeping from them instead of feeling angry about it. "I don't want to cry anymore and if I let you hug me, I don't know if I'll be able to stop."

Stepping away from him, she grabbed her bag and dashed out of Verdant leaving him behind her. She could barely believe that several hours ago, she had been with Ash who had shown her the possibility of happiness for the first time since she'd lost Oliver. Everything had changed so quickly she felt a world of confusion. Fishing out her car keys, she got behind the wheel knowing exactly where she would head first.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Sorry guys, a personal emergency has kept me from updating this past few week. Please leave your comments and opinions - it truly motivates me write more! Thank you to those who left me reviews last time you are all brilliant!

PS. You will learn more about Ash as the chapters go on and I hope you really like him!


	3. Hopeful Heart

**A/N: **Thank you very much for engaging with me and reviewing this story! I'm really grateful you've no idea! The direction of this story has slightly changed and there's going to be a hint of mystery/adventure in the upcoming chapters (hence the change in synopsis). Someone asked me how I choose the names of the chapters and I thought it was a very good question. There's always a song which I feel inspires me and so I name them by that. For this chapter it was a song by Jason Walker!

Anyhow, enough from me - enjoy! This is a long one...

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><p>Felicity discarded her glasses onto her table and rested back into her swivel chair anxiety weaving through her body. Closing her eyes momentarily she let out a deep exhale.<p>

She had been struggling to engage in anything work related as her conversation with Oliver from the evening before replayed in her mind. She wondered what he was doing currently and whether or not he was thinking about her.

"So are you gonna hide out here forever?" a voice came startling her out of her thoughts.

Yelping in surprise, her eyes snapped open and fixated on Laurel who was grinning as she threw herself into a seat across from her. Opening the tub of ice cream she was carrying, she crossed her legs on the chair and looked at her expectantly.

"First of all, you really should learn to knock," she said squinting as she searched for her glasses and slipped them on. "And I'm not hiding."

A chortle escaped Laurel causing Felicity to narrow her eyes in irritation. They had never been exactly what you would call best friends, but over the past year they'd certainly developed an understanding. As it turned out, Felicity learned that she could trust her and had grown accustomed to having her around.

"What would you call avoiding Oliver?" she asked digging her spoon in and taking a bit chunk of the ice cream.

"I'm not avoiding him…" she mumbled averting her gaze from Laurel's intent stare and fixating onto her computer screen instead. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I finished work late and when I was driving by I saw the lights from your office on," she explained before pointing the spoon at her threateningly with a scoff. "And don't think I don't know you're trying to divert my attention."

Felicity shifted in her seat feeling uncomfortable as Laurel's eyes pierced through her. She could totally see the lawyer in her.

"I just – I keep expecting to wake up and find out that this is all a dream. That he's really gone," she sighed closing her eyes briefly as she released a small shallow breath. "I know it sounds stupid but you have no idea how many times I dreamt his return only to find out that it wasn't real."

"That's not stupid," Laurel replied softly her eyes softening. "But he's really here Felicity."

"I know, I know," she sighed unable to explain to her exactly what it was that was holding her back.

"It's okay to be scared. You went through hell this past year. Just do what you're good at…I mean besides hacking. _Talk _to him."

With that, Laurel placed the lid on her tub of ice cream, placed it on the desk and pushed it towards her before shrugging her jacket back on.

"Thanks," Felicity smiled warmly. "And not just for the ice cream Laurel but for everything."

With a curt nod, Laurel headed towards the door.

"Wait!" she called out stopping her in her tracks. "Does this mean that we're now officially _girlfriends_? I mean between the ice cream and the boy talk – I'd definitely say we're encroaching on that territory," she teased sticking the spoon in and shovelling a mouthful of ice cream into her mouth.

Rolling her eyes, Laurel tugged the door open the corners of her lips quirking up into a smile.

"Goodnight Felicity!"

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><p>"Were you ever going to tell me?" Thea asked her head resting against his shoulder as they sat watching television.<p>

Oliver had returned to Starling City with the intention of revealing everything to Thea, but had been informed last night that they'd already let her in on the secret. They'd had no other explanation for his disappearance and had thought she deserved to know the truth.

"Eventually. I thought about it many times but I could never bring myself to do it. I didn't want to lose you," he admitted carefully examining her reaction. He didn't think he'd be able to deal with another person he loved pushing him away.

"Don't get me wrong, I mean I was freakin' pissed. Not only had you been lying to me but you attacked me and scared half to death – don't bother, Felicity explained that one to me already," she said silencing his attempt of explanation. "But you'll never lose me."

Looking into the wide green eyes that had watched him with such admiration all of his life, a warm feeling settled over his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Whatever he'd gone through didn't matter as long as she was safe.

"Ollie?"

"Mmmh?"

"I like her by the way. I think she's great for you."

He stiffened and felt her snorting at his immediate discomfort. He wasn't entirely certain who she was talking about but had a distinct feeling.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he murmured gruffly.

"Sure you don't. I can't believe I'd never seen it before, not that I should blame my radar since you hardly brought her around."

"Thea, there's nothing going on between Felicity and I," he sighed, exasperated. He'd had 'The Talk' from his little sister before and the uncomfortable feeling never ceased to exist when it happened.

"Who said I was talking about Felicity?" she asked turning to look at him with her brow arched.

He rolled his eyes and sighed at her incessant behavior.

"Did Roy put this idea into your head?"

"No. I saw how broken she was when we thought you were in dead and I kinda knew then. Anyway, all I'm saying is that she has my approval."

"Shh, the movie is starting," he scolded turning the volume up wanting to avoid the conversation.

A reminder of what he'd put them through was not what he needed to add to his load. When silence settled over them as they began watching the movie he'd rented, the familiar feeling of guilt began gnawing its way through. He hadn't told any of them the complete truth and it was eating him up inside. He'd harboured secrets before, but they had always been somewhat related to him. Now, he couldn't justify keeping such a revelation from Felicity who above everyone deserved to know. He didn't want to destroy her trust for him but if she pursued the information he had for her and managed to get herself hurt, he'd never be able to forgive himself. He just wasn't entirely sure if it was his call to make.

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><p>The sound of Felicity's heels clinking against the stairs echoed through the foundry as she descended the stairs whilst anxiety pummeled through her. The thought of seeing him left her stomach in knots, more so than usual. It was a little past 11 pm and she hadn't received any messages from Diggle or Roy inquiring her whereabouts which she assumed to mean that tonight was a quiet day. Nonetheless, she figured she'd stop by and make sure everything was okay.<p>

Her eyes fell on Oliver who seemed to be alone in the foundry, _shirtless_. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him working out vigorously and suddenly had the urge to spring back up the stairs. It was a sight she never thought she'd see again and she found herself frozen on the spot mesmerized and fascinated at the same time. She was intruding, she knew that but she was struggling to break her gaze.

"Hey," he said softly noticing her presence almost immediately and stepping away from the salmon ladder, the sweat glistening from his bare chest and forehead.

Caught off-guard, she jumped guiltily feeling her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she felt like she'd been caught ogling him.

"I haven't been standing here for very long," she coughed awkwardly. "I mean maybe a little longer than necessary but not because you're half-naked. More to do with the whole I thought you were dead, but turns out you're not thing…I'm going to shut up now."

A jovial smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he tilted his head to observe her carefully making her cheeks flush a deeper shade of red. She should have kept her mouth shut. Dragging her eyes from his naked body, she fixated on the eyes she usually avoided and forced on a smile as she walked further into the lair.

"Where's everyone?" she asked glancing around the place as she dumped her bag onto her desk.

"Diggle had a family function with Lyla and I gave Roy the night off, he's been working hard and I thought he deserved it," he explained simply grabbing a towel and using it to wipe his face before shrugging on a white t-shirt. Relief shot through her, she didn't think she could cope with speaking to him whilst he was half naked.

"Yeah he has. We all had to pull together while you were gone," she agreed absently, hugging herself as a chill ran through her spine. "I'm sorry, that wasn't intended as an indirect dig," she added quickly noticing the pain in his expression.

He waved her apology away distractedly to indicate he wasn't offended ad she found herself feeling uncomfortable as all words evaded her mind. How was it that when she desperately wanted to find something to say, no words came? She hated the awkwardness that stretched out between them making her feel worse than she'd done before.

"Is that Whiskey?" he asked glancing at the bottle she was carrying his brows lifting into his hairline.

"Yes. I bought it as at a peace offering" she smiled lifting the bottle up and giving it a little wriggle before placing it on the table in front of her, grateful for the break from the silence. "I'm sorry about the night before."

"You don't have to apologise."

"I know, but I want to. This past year has been really difficult and I took it out on you when I shouldn't have," she swallowed hard avoiding his eyes, the sound of her blood rushing through her body filling her ears. "I just have one question, wherever you were…you had no way of letting us know you were still alive, right?" she said asking the question that had burned a hole in her mind begging to be asked. She found herself holding her breath as she waited for the answer, she could just about forgive him for anything but she didn't think she'd be able to get past it if there'd been anything he could have done to release them from their misery and had chosen not to.

His brows furrowed together in surprise and confusion at her question and a serious expression settled on his features, all traces of humor gone. He remained silent for a long while, as if considering how to answer her question making her more nervous as the seconds ticked by. "Felicity, I've been close to death more times than I can remember and I've never feared it, because I had nothing to lose. But this past year – I couldn't stop thinking about all of the people I've let into my life since I've been back and that made me afraid. Afraid of what would happen to you guys if you lost me again. Believe me when I tell you I would _never _voluntarily put _you_…any of you through that."

She let out a breath of relief feeling a heavy weight lifting off of her shoulders. This was who she'd become. A paranoid mess and she hated it. Upsetting him had not been why she had come here.

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I had to ask."

Oliver took a step closer to her and she felt her heart pick up its pace, the way he was looking at her was dangerous. She couldn't remember the last time a man had looked at her like that with such intensity and passion. She held her breath bracing for his touch but was surprised, relieved and disappointed all at once when it didn't come. She felt the heat of his stare to her core and every nerve in her body was on alert at his proximity.

"Stop apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. I know this year couldn't have been easy and I'm sorry you had to go through that." His expression softened. "But I meant every word of what I said to you when I left."

She regarded his clouded expression which revealed more than words could ever say and found herself struggling to breathe. She could _not _be in this position again where she found herself tangled in an emotional mess with him. Her relationship with him would never work, she knew that now. He continued to be reckless and she'd learned the value of self-preservation this year. She couldn't go through a repeat of what had happened. Ignoring the way he set every fiber in her body to flame with nothing more than a look, she regarded him with a guarded expression.

"Don't," she choked out shaking her head. "I don't blame you for what happened so you don't need to apologize either. You were putting your sister and the city first, I can't fault you for that but Oliver you were right. You and I, it's never going to work. Anyway, weren't you the one who said you could never be with anyone," she finished rushing to say the words before she chickened out.

Something akin to pain pulsed through his eyes and for a brief moment, she wished that she could take her words back of. In a parallel universe perhaps they'd be perfect for one another and she'd be lying to herself if she said she didn't want more. Of course she did, but this was real life and not a fantasy. Danger surrounded them continuously and she couldn't bear to go through the grief that had almost crippled her. For once, she was content with being selfish. She was saving herself. The expression that had shot through his eyes was gone as quickly as it had come but the pang of guilt she felt lingered.

"No, I wasn't right," he replied dragging a hand across his forehead as he appeared deep in thought. "While I was gone I realized something. What I feel for you doesn't make me weaker, it makes me stronger and it was the thought of _you _that kept me alive."

She took in his serious expression and the regret in his eyes and felt her breath catching. She felt as if she'd been hit square in the stomach with a sledge hammer. The words were so unexpected she couldn't form a response. She concentrated on breathing and staying level headed as their proximity sent her heart into a frenzy.

"You don't have to say anything I just wanted you to know," he told her spinning around and grabbing the Whiskey bottle from the table. She'd forgotten how quickly and fluidly he moved.

Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded picking up her bag once again knowing she'd said her peace for today. Retreating for the stairs she stopped and turned back to face him finding her voice again.

"A little birdie reminded me today that I was just lucky to have you back in my life and instead of focusing on all the anger and hurt I should feel grateful…you and I were friends before anything else but right now I don't feel like I know where your head is at anymore and I've changed too. I just–" she paused hesitantly. "I don't want to lose our friendship."

Releasing a shaky breath she slung the strap of her black bag over her shoulder and turned to leave.

"So stay," he called out stopping her in her tracks. Turning to face him, she found him staring at her with a heart stopping smile, his dimples flashing.

"What?"

He gave the bottle of Whiskey a wriggle like she'd done previously.

"Like you said, we were friends before we were anything else so stay. Get to know me again," he said his voice a little daring and dangerous.

A giddy feeling of excitement mixed with apprehension washed through her, she wasn't entirely sure just how closely she could deal with being around him but he'd caught her in her own words. Unable to hide the small smile playing on her lips she ditched her bag and walked back towards him. Kicking off the heels which had antagonized her the entire day, she lowered herself down to the floor and leaned her back against the wall, crossing her outstretched legs over each other. Quirking his eyebrows at her, he followed in suit and took his place across from her resting his back onto the edge of her desk.

Over the past year, she'd become well acquainted with this spot in the foundry it was crazy but it had become her little safe haven. It was the place she'd cried for his loss for the first time, the place she came whenever she felt like she was on the brink of losing herself. Sometimes, she would come down here alone way past midnight and continue her search for him and workout before dozing off to sleep but seeing him sitting across from her now with a nervous expression, she couldn't stop the clenching feeling that tugged in her chest. There was no doubt in her mind how she felt about this man.

It didn't take long for the conversation between them to start flowing and before she knew it, the sound of her laughter was carrying across the foundry. The conversation was easy, they talked about stories from the past such as their first date, first kiss – little details she'd never learned about him and for a little while, she forgot all their problems. In this moment, they were merely Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen – not the Arrow and his IT girl. They were two people who were enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other better.

"You're lying to me," she cried out incredulously at the story he'd just told her about the first time he'd snuck into a club with Tommy.

"True story," he smiled taking a swig from the Whiskey bottle.

Outstretching her hand she instructed him to pass her the bottle.

"You hate Whiskey," he told her simply looking at her questioningly.

"I need a drink after that story and right now it's my only option. Give."

He passed her the bottle his eyes twinkling with amusement. Pursing her lips, she took a swing from the bottle coughing and spluttering as the drink burned its way through her esophagus.

"Bad idea," she wheezed with a cough as Oliver let out a whole hearted laugh taking the bottle she was offering back to him from her.

A small silence outstretched between them and she settled back down feeling happy and content. Out of all the possible scenarios, this had not been how she'd imagined her night to end. There were a lot left unsaid between them but she was satisfied to let that all go for now. Noticing the way his brows furrowed together when he was deep in thought, she looked at him quizzically.

"What's on your mind?"

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

Surprised, she looked at him evenly. "Yes."

"This thing with Thea has made me think and I wondered – had that been you in her position and someone had kept a big secret to protect you. Would you have been able to forgive them?"

Her eyes widened with his line of questioning and she remained quiet for a moment as she considered the scenario.

"I honestly don't know. I think that what you did, you did out of love and Thea can see that. Nobody can fault you for wanting to keep her safe."

"I hope you're right," he replied with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. The pained expression crossing through his eyes informed her there was something he wasn't divulging. Not wanting to ruin their night having the same argument from the night before, she pretended she hadn't noticed and figured he'd tell her when he was good and ready.

"We should probably get going, it's 4 a.m."

"Oh my god!" she screeched glancing at the clock and her mouth dropping open. They'd been talking for hours and she had work tomorrow. "No wonder I'm starving! It's been hours since I last ate," she continued after her stomach growled loudly.

"C'mon, we can stop by the Waffle House before I get you dropped off," he told her closing the bottle and leaving it on the desk as he pulled himself to his feet with ease and stalked towards her offering her his hand.

She regarded his outstretched hand conflicted and briefly wondered about boundaries. Waffle House was by far her favorite breakfast diner and the suggestion sounded perfect but she didn't want to confuse the situation between them any further.

"I'm not trying to seduce you with _pancakes _and _waffles_ Felicity," he laughed incredulously as if reading her mind. "You can fill your stomach and I've never been there before and can see what all the fuss is about. It's a win, win."

Turning crimson, she knew he had a solid point and took his hand letting him pull her easily to her feet. Feeling electricity zing through her at their first contact since he'd been back, she quickly released his hand when she'd gained her balance and picked up her heels reluctant to put them on just yet.

"Wait you've never been before?" she asked unable to keep the shock out of her voice as they fell into step shoulder-to-shoulder. She and Diggle were obsessed with that place, it made the best waffles she'd ever had!

"Nope," he shrugged nonchalantly. "It'll be a first."

"Looks like we'll be taking your Waffle House virginity tonight. Who knew! You're still a virgin in some capacity!" she blurted out closing her eyes when the words exited her mouth. "You know what I mean," she rolled her eyes ignoring the blood rushing to her face when he looked at her through one of his dimpled smiles.

"You embarrass easy," he laughed taking the stairs two at a time making it harder for her to keep up.

"Shut up," she mumbled barging her shoulder into his loving the easiness that came with being with him.

He opened the door into Verdant and held it out for her as she slipped through it before him feeling her heart fluttering at being in his presence again. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this content. For the first time in a long time, she felt _alive_.

"Oliver…"

"Mmh?" he replied stopping to wait for her as she slipped her heels back on.

"I am glad that you're alive," she smiled standing upright.

"So am I," looking at her in a manner that sent waves of desire shooting through her.

With that, they headed for the door the feeling of a new beginning coursing through her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Take your bets! What is Oliver hiding from Felicity? Please leave me reviews on what you thought guys, it's honestly the most gratifying part of writing! Thank you for those of you who do, it means a lot!


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